This guy once told my dad he had weird kids because my brother and I don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend. I was thoroughly confused. How could one man say that my brother and I were weirdos because we choose to abstain from something our religion forbids and an issue that is the root cause of all sorts of societal disasters?! Honestly, though, I can't really blame him- being involved in relationships outside the fold of marriage is so commonplace now, unfortunately even among Muslims. It is a fitnah that demands some attention!
Let's face it, every teenager has feelings for a certain individual or individuals. We all come across people we find attractive or amazing in our day to day lives. Of course, then, Allah swt would never punish us for having the feelings He gave us as a part of our nature in the first place. But...it's how we decide to deal with these feelings that's the tricky part. Some might start trying to impress the person they're interested in, then comes the flirting, and then things develop more and more, then finally one person decides that he or she wants to move on and things start going downhill....aaand breakup. This usually causes a lot of emotional distress especially if you were attached to the person. I know that girls, especially find it really hard to recover.
Now a couple of questions to think about: reflect on a past relationship and tell me, was it really worth it? Did you benefit more than you lost in worldly terms? What about your akhirah, did this experience in life get you closer to God? Did you become a more practicing Muslim and come closer to your goal of Jannah? If you answered mostly nos, then you might want to read further.
Steps to Stop Dating:
I am going to end with a statement Dr. Bilal Philips made: "We see in the Qur'an itself that Allah speaks about boyfriends and girlfriends because this is actually a phenomenon which is not unique to our times. It is something which occurred throughout the centuries and throughout the ages. Allah says in the Qur'an regarding this issue: "[They should be] chaste, neither [of] those who commit unlawful intercourse randomly nor those who take [secret] lovers." [Qur'an 4:25]"
May Allah make us from among the chaste! Ameen :)
Let's face it, every teenager has feelings for a certain individual or individuals. We all come across people we find attractive or amazing in our day to day lives. Of course, then, Allah swt would never punish us for having the feelings He gave us as a part of our nature in the first place. But...it's how we decide to deal with these feelings that's the tricky part. Some might start trying to impress the person they're interested in, then comes the flirting, and then things develop more and more, then finally one person decides that he or she wants to move on and things start going downhill....aaand breakup. This usually causes a lot of emotional distress especially if you were attached to the person. I know that girls, especially find it really hard to recover.
Now a couple of questions to think about: reflect on a past relationship and tell me, was it really worth it? Did you benefit more than you lost in worldly terms? What about your akhirah, did this experience in life get you closer to God? Did you become a more practicing Muslim and come closer to your goal of Jannah? If you answered mostly nos, then you might want to read further.
Steps to Stop Dating:
- Realize Allah's wisdom over yours: First off, I think it's important that you realize how every single guideline Allah has given us is a mercy from Him. Every single thing He told us to stay away from is for our own good, even if we don't immediately realize the wisdom behind it, as is clear when He says in the Quran, "But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not" (2:216).
- Become attached only to Allah swt: If you attach your heart to Allah only, you will never be let down and there will be no room for heartbreak or suffering.
- Lower your gaze: If your feelings are getting the best of you, then you're probably doing some staring. Stop it. Stop torturing yourself and giving room for shaitan to enter. Lower your gaze for better days ;)
- Purify your intentions: Have firm belief that if your intentions are to please Allah, and no one else, Allah will replace your efforts with so many blessings. If you stop a haram, temporary relationship from developing, know that Allah will eventually provide you with an amazing halal one that will go on eternally in Jannah.
- Only when necessary: Interact with the opposite gender only when you need to, like in an educational or work context. Try not to exceed the limits or go off-topic when talking, i.e: excessive joking, sharing your life story etc. Also, don't stay alone in a room with a non-mahram as the Prophet pbuh advised: Narrated Ibn Abbas: "That he heard the Prophet saying, ' It is not permissible for a man to be alone with a woman, and no lady should travel except with a mahram (i.e. her husband or a person whom she cannot marry in any case for ever; e.g. her father, brother, etc.).'..." This will stop things from getting out of hand.
- Think about your future self: Reconsider the questions above and think about the consequences of your current decisions.
- Think about marriage: There are many hadiths narrated about the Prophet pbuh which show the beauty of marriage. For instance: narrated by Ibn Maajah (1847), “There is nothing better for two who love one another than marriage.” (This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan Ibn Maajah). Instead of seeking out impermissible means and hurting your dunya and akhirah, wait until you can get married. If you feel ready, then start talking to your parents about it; there's nothing to be ashamed of. We should only be ashamed of doing inappropriate things behind their back and in front of Allah swt.
- Fast and be patient: The Prophet pbuh also told us what to do if we eventually want to marry but currently are unable to: narrated by 'Alqama: While I was walking with 'Abdullah he said, "We were in the company of the Prophet and he said, 'He who can afford to marry should marry, because it will help him refrain from looking at other women, and save his private parts from looking at other women, and save his private parts from committing illegal sexual relation; and he who cannot afford to marry is advised to fast, as fasting will diminish his sexual power." Patience and dua are key tools you should use for everything!
- Lastly, make good use of your free time while you can!
May Allah make us from among the chaste! Ameen :)
