Dating Dilemma?

   This guy once told my dad he had weird kids because my brother and I don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend. I was thoroughly confused. How could one man say that my brother and I were weirdos because we choose to abstain from something our religion forbids and an issue that is the root cause of all sorts of societal disasters?! Honestly, though, I can't really blame him- being involved in relationships outside the fold of marriage is so commonplace now, unfortunately even among Muslims. It is a fitnah that demands some attention!
   Let's face it, every teenager has feelings for a certain individual or individuals. We all come across people we find attractive or amazing in our day to day lives. Of course, then, Allah swt would never punish us for having the feelings He gave us as a part of our nature in the first place. But...it's how we decide to deal with these feelings that's the tricky part. Some might start trying to impress the person they're interested in, then comes the flirting, and then things develop more and more, then finally one person decides that he or she wants to move on and things start going downhill....aaand breakup. This usually causes a lot of emotional distress especially if you were attached to the person. I know that girls, especially find it really hard to recover.
   Now a couple of questions to think about: reflect on a past relationship and tell me, was it really worth it? Did you benefit more than you lost in worldly terms? What about your akhirah, did this experience in life get you closer to God? Did you become a more practicing Muslim and come closer to your goal of Jannah? If you answered mostly nos, then you might want to read further.
 
Steps to Stop Dating:

1. Realize Allah's wisdom over yours: First off, I think it's important that you realize how every single guideline Allah has given us is a mercy from Him. Every single thing He told us to stay away from is for our own good, even if we don't immediately realize the wisdom behind it, as is clear when He says in the Quran, "But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not" (2:216).
   
2. Become attached only to Allah swt: If you attach your heart to Allah only, you will never be let down and there will be no room for heartbreak or suffering. 
3. Lower your gaze: If your feelings are getting the best of you, then you're probably doing some staring. Stop it. Stop torturing yourself and giving room for shaitan to enter. Lower your gaze for better days ;) 
4. Purify your intentions: Have firm belief that if your intentions are to please Allah, and no one else, Allah will replace your efforts with so many blessings. If you stop a haram, temporary relationship from developing, know that Allah will eventually provide you with an amazing halal one that will go on eternally in Jannah. 
5. Only when necessary: Interact with the opposite gender only when you need to, like in an educational or work context. Try not to exceed the limits or go off-topic when talking, i.e: excessive joking, sharing your life story etc. Also, don't stay alone in a room with a non-mahram as the Prophet pbuh advised: Narrated Ibn Abbas: "That he heard the Prophet saying, ' It is not permissible for a man to be alone with a woman, and no lady should travel except with a mahram (i.e. her husband or a person whom she cannot marry in any case for ever; e.g. her father, brother, etc.).'..." This will stop things from getting out of hand.
6. Think about your future self: Reconsider the questions above and think about the consequences of your current decisions.
7. Think about marriage: There are many hadiths narrated about the Prophet pbuh which show the
   
   beauty of marriage. For instance: narrated by Ibn Maajah (1847), “There is nothing better for two who love one another than marriage.” (This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan Ibn Maajah). Instead of seeking out impermissible means and hurting your dunya and akhirah, wait until you can get married. If you feel ready, then start talking to your parents about it; there's nothing to be ashamed of. We should only be ashamed of doing inappropriate things behind their back and in front of Allah swt.
8. Fast and be patient: The Prophet pbuh also told us what to do if we eventually want to marry but currently are unable to: narrated by 'Alqama: While I was walking with 'Abdullah he said, "We were in the company of the Prophet and he said, 'He who can afford to marry should marry, because it will help him refrain from looking at other women, and save his private parts from looking at other women, and save his private parts from committing illegal sexual relation; and he who cannot afford to marry is advised to fast, as fasting will diminish his sexual power." Patience and dua are key tools you should use for everything!
9. Lastly, make good use of your free time while you can!

I am going to end with a statement Dr. Bilal Philips made: "We see in the Qur'an itself that Allah speaks about boyfriends and girlfriends because this is actually a phenomenon which is not unique to our times. It is something which occurred throughout the centuries and throughout the ages. Allah says in the Qur'an regarding this issue: "[They should be] chaste, neither [of] those who commit unlawful intercourse randomly nor those who take [secret] lovers." [Qur'an 4:25]"

May Allah make us from among the chaste! Ameen :)

 

"Don't Judge Me"

When someone tries to give you advice, you lash out, "Don't judge me!". When you feel guilty about something, you tell others not to judge you because everyone makes mistakes- which is true, but...

In Islam there is the concept of enjoining good and forbidding evil. If you find a brother or sister struggling or doing something that they shouldn't really be doing, it is your duty as a Muslim to go out of your way and advise him or her in the best way.

On the authority of Abu Sa’eed al-Khudree (ra) who said:I heard the Messenger of Allah (saw) say, “Whoso- ever of you sees an evil, let him change it with his hand; and if he is not able to do so, then [let him change it] with his tongue; and if he is not able to do so, then with his heart — and that is the weakest of faith.”

Now, obviously, it is not our duty to "judge" anyone because this is Allah swt's duty. But advice and judgment are completely different terms. Sound advice should in fact help you get ready for Allah's judgement, which is the most concerning.  We shouldn't look down upon people who point out our flaws and become sad because of it. Rather, we should appreciate the fact that someone cares about our well-being so much so that they feel the need to help us out. 

There is much wisdom behind advice. We need to keep each other on track because we are all humans, and inevitably, we will all make mistakes. We need to help each other in pointing out our mistakes and supporting one another. Otherwise, we would not be able to better ourselves as an ummah. Moreover, we humans are weak, so we need to be there for one another as brothers and sisters.
Our society is one in which people think they can get away with whatever they want without the fear of being held accountable for it. However, Islam, which should be a priority over societal norms, does not preach this.  In the Quran, Allah swt says, "Every soul will taste death. And We test you with evil and with good as trial; and to Us you will be returned." (Quran 21:35) We should keep in mind that judgment day is a reality, and we should fear it much more than we fear others knowing about our sin. 

Now there is a certain way of going about giving advice as well! While it is our duty to enjoin good and forbid evil, some people drive others away from practicing because of their bad manners and harsh words. If you really are interested in the betterment of yourself and others, then you need to take into consideration other people's circumstances, their emotions, and even their personality. Some people are very sensitive, while others might be stronger. You really need to be careful about your demeanor when trying to give naseeha. It is also important to renew your intentions so as not to fall into sin rather than get rewarded for your efforts.

At the end of the day, even if you try your best to advise in the most appropriate and kind manner, some people will hate and oppose you for it. Just remember that your only obligation is to remind, and then Allah swt will do the rest. Allah says in the Quran, "You have no duty except delivering the message." [Quran 42:48] It is not in your position to change the hearts of people; you can only remind. Therefore, you should never feel discouraged, even if you find people ignoring what you say. Remember that for people to change, it usually is a very slow process. Sometimes you might think that you had no influence whatsoever on an individual, when in reality your words may have affected the person so immensely.
In conclusion, as believers, we need to embrace other people's advice as well as not be afraid of giving advice to others.
And Allah swt knows best :) May He make us among those who enjoin good and forbid evil in the best of ways. Ameen. 

Music...

A very common trend among us teenagers in general, is listening to music. Even practicing Muslims often get unconsciously caught up into this issue and take it very lightly. Before you start claiming that there is a difference of opinion on the permissibility of music among scholars, let's evaluate the facts. Let us logically assess the matter rather than Islamically.
The truth is, and I don't think anyone could disagree with me, the music industry is filthy. If you look at the lyrics of most songs today, no one can argue against the fact that most of it is dirty and not-so-innocent. Whether we always realize it or not, most of the time we sit there listening to artists who are either talking about the opposite gender or some sort of other inappropriate discussion. And although we may or may not feel affected negatively by this, we definitely are unconsciously. Not only do these filthy images pollute our minds, but they also give us false ideas about love and intimacy. 

You can think of it this way: Us Muslims are supposed to say bismillah before starting anything, correct? Do you know of anyone who says bismillah before plugging in the earphones and listening to music? Of course not! That is because we know for a fact that it would not be appropriate to say that you are listening to the filth in the name of Allah. 

If you do currently listen to music, I will ask you to start small and start today. No one expects you to stop listening to music immediately and drop the habit cold-turkey; however, if you are able to, then alhamdulillah, that is great! If not, then just like every long-term habit you wish to make or break, take baby steps towards your ultimate goal. For example, switch to nasheed, very preferably ones without music (I don't see the point in listening to nasheeds if they have music in them anyway). There are loads of nasheed artists out there! Alhamdulillah! You might also like poetry or spoken word; the opportunities are endless, really. Inshallah I will post some substitutions to music in the near future. Ultimately, your best choice would be the Quran :) Subhanallah it really does rest the soul like no other!

We must remember that music and Quran cannot be combined together in one heart, it just does not work...so be wise in which one you choose over the other!